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At times, Jay Spring believes he is “unmatched in his abilities”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he admits. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often coming after a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his behavior, rendering him particularly vulnerable to negative feedback from external sources. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors online – and was later diagnosed by a professional. Yet, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis without having already reached that conclusion on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they experience a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

Although people have been called narcissists for over 100 years, definitions vary what the term implies the diagnosis. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people hide it, as there is so much stigma around the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to bolster one’s self-esteem through things like seeking admiration,” the expert clarifies. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

Though a significant majority of people identified as having NPD are males, studies indicates this number does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who shares content on her dual diagnosis on online channels. It is not uncommon, the two disorders co-occur.

First-Hand Experiences

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and being turned down,” she shares, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Even with this response – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been working to manage it and accept input from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the negative conduct of her past. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she says she and her partner “operate with an understanding where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples as a child. It’s been a process of understanding continuously which behaviors are and is not appropriate to say in conflicts because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my household were criticizing me during my childhood.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

These mental health issues tend to be associated with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting specific standards. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve high marks and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, in a comparable situation, finds it hard to manage mood stability. She is “very supportive of the internal struggles in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was given the NPD label. He has been recommended for psychological counseling on the public health system (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: The estimate was it is expected around early next year.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his condition, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, personally, he has embraced the diagnosis. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is positive,” he comments. All of the people have come to terms with NPD and are pursuing treatment for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the growth of NPD content creators and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number